February 2nd, 2008
It’s hard for me to put up a smile on my face. Everyday, it is a mediocre routine. But when can I scratch out the term "mediocre"? Now or tomorrow would never make a difference if I’d never make a huge turn around about my insights of life. All of us have annotations of being down or sorry or mad or depressed, people have different versions of them but they are all just the same - they dull our days. Insanely, I keep my mind busy of thinking about prairies and sunsets and sunrises and shawarma or a layer of chocolate cake and a puff of green smoke. Bitterly, they’re bad or good but it makes me feel good and I’m happy just by the thought of having those things around me. I haven’t understood what I was upholding before : "Nobody is a good judge nor a perfect critic." But what happened all along was I’ve played the roles of being those and it never made me feel good afterwards. So much for being pretentious and righteous, I consider myself as a comical bitch, inconsistent with the decisions made. But I’m trying my very best not to get knocked out and I hope that my thoughts won’t be wavered by negative impulses that would ruin my decisions, and if by time I’d failed, I’d continue to bless myself with that bright light and think of the new EVERYDAY ahead that will come.
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