During kindergarten, my school used to have some film showing at our classrooms. It was on our English class. All Disney films were being watched and I remember my boy classmates rolling their eyes when the movies being casted were the Disney princesses: Snow White, Cinderella etcetera. But I’ve never missed a day to watch any of it and I’d even sit in a neighboring classroom. And I could even remember my embarrassing moment of informing my teacher in poor Tagalog, “I-off na natin yung suga, teacher” and then I’d remember Chinky telling me, “Ilaw Ivy oi, dili suga”. I was the laughingstock for a minute but I shrugged it off. I had a way with getting out of these kinds of situations. There was a time when I had my first encounter with sore eyes. Then I missed I movie which then turned out to be my favorite: Beauty and the Beast. When I was younger, I’ve never had the luxury of sitting at the Orchestra seats of the cinema nor did going to one was my family’s habit. My Mom knew that I’ve been feeling sore not because of my eyes but because I’ve missed one film showing. She took me to the cinema then. Sky Hi near Tiano-Montalvan streets. We watched Beauty and the Beast. I was elated at that very day. My Mom was never the affectionate type but she knew I was happy and I knew she was too.
When I was in third grade, my family moved to Digos (then a small town in Davao del Sur. I was in fourth grade at that time, too engrossed with Power Rangers and Ultraman. So when the Ultraman movie showed up in town, I’ve beckoned my Mom to take me, my three younger siblings and my two cousins (Lysther and Analou) to the cinema. I knew she was too unhappy having to take all of us but she did. What was then were “Double with” movies: double marathons of movies being shown. We watched Ultraman “double with” Once upon in China III. Ultraman was shown late and I was anxious that our night would be cut short because my Mom didn’t stay to watch the movies with us; she’d be picking us up in an hour. Some Chinese movie was being served. But again, I always had my way with situations like this. I was to not think of the time and it did work. . I half-yelled the night away, both from scolding my younger brother to stay put on his seat. A Chinese epic movie shown in Chinese language didn’t interest him at all. I first came to know Jet Li that night and I fell in love with him. Even if we were introduced in Cantonese with no subtitles. Geek.
My Tita’s Ninang owns an old cinema, couldn’t remember the name of the place but I remember her old restaurant, Mountain View. We had free passes there when my Tita asks permission on our behalf. Going to the movies did get old for us; one – because we don’t have any control with the movies that are going to be doubled with the one we want to watch and two – because my Mom can’t wait up all night for us to go home. But I was always in high spirits that night especially if I’d get to do what I really want which is then why my Mom sorted this out by having to rent VHS tapes of my choice and go over to my Uncle Joseph’s place every night with my family and do our own film showing.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Noontime in Cebu is not amusing, drenched in sweat and my sleep got cut off. Just turned the AC on.
Number one itinerary for the day yesterday was scratched off. The owner of the pad was unavailable. We’ll have to try again today. But we went over last night to Veramont and had a talk with Erwin (the caretaker). The place is safe and tidy. I wished though that there’s a vacancy on their studio pads. What’s in store for us is a room. Neat. I’ll think about it and have next week to decide.
By the way, I found out that I lost my money when I checked the ATM. I was to take out less than a thousand from my bank account only to find out that I only have P74.65 left. Now I’m thinking where my money got lost. I’ve made three unsuccessful transactions at the ATMs near my office last week and believed my bank was offline. Hmm… I’m thinking of doing away with the series of unfortunate events starting today. I’m starting to see a huge “L” plastered on my forehead. What’s good to do next? Well, there’s the One Tree Hill Season 6 that’s been left pending or maybe I’d take Lily’s advice and watch Tom Hanks’ The Terminal. She’s packing all of our things while I’m sprawling across my bed.
I want to make lunch. We'll head out to buy food. I'm starving!
By the way, I found out that I lost my money when I checked the ATM. I was to take out less than a thousand from my bank account only to find out that I only have P74.65 left. Now I’m thinking where my money got lost. I’ve made three unsuccessful transactions at the ATMs near my office last week and believed my bank was offline. Hmm… I’m thinking of doing away with the series of unfortunate events starting today. I’m starting to see a huge “L” plastered on my forehead. What’s good to do next? Well, there’s the One Tree Hill Season 6 that’s been left pending or maybe I’d take Lily’s advice and watch Tom Hanks’ The Terminal. She’s packing all of our things while I’m sprawling across my bed.
I want to make lunch. We'll head out to buy food. I'm starving!
Friday, September 3, 2010
It sucks when you hope too much but what's good about having sucked is that you'd get the pieces of your mind back in place.
I really don’t have the stamina to eat after I get off from work but Lily insists on me doing it, simply because I wake up the next day at noontime or later. My late ass always gets me to work few minutes away from login time and at times when the day needs it, I get to eat my first meal of the day by 5 in the afternoon. And then I’d complain about the headache and stomach punches...
Earlier after shift, I ate nearly 2 cups of rice but donned a pack of bacon. Sugar and oil – great combo for hypertension. Binging could be helpful to me at this time. I did not pass the Team Lead exam. It sucks because I’ve taken the same test last year and I made it until the final interview, which I’ve blown off by the way. Recently, I’ve been composing speeches for my interviewers that should hit home base but it just dawned over me last night that I will not be facing the panel anyway. I’ve abruptly sent off my daily end of shift reports and hurried home; cried until I made up stories to laugh at. Whew! I stayed up all morning playing all stored games that my Dad has installed in this notebook. I was so engrossed with the game RAVENHEARST and clicking on “Hour glass”, “Fly”, “Bronzed face” and “Tower of Pisa” when I saw daylight peeping through my black curtains. Today, as I got off the bed, I have been prying pages from the net to get some motivational quotes, something to cheer me up and something to get this threatening migraine off my system. I’d have better chances SOON. I’d take this load off my mind and will get on my life’s next craze.
Things to do:
Later, I’d have to check the pad Mommy Mel has recommended me to stay in worth P3, 200 per month. I’ll check on it for I’ve been half settled with my decision for staying at Veramont Dormitory. Either way, I still need to plan on my “GWbilling” loan to cover for the 2 months deposit and a month advance.
Drop money off at Melissa’s BPI account. Need to get those Old Navy slippers here in Cebu. Are the malls banks open until 5PM?
Pig out with Lily at SM. I miss black forest cake and I'm up for it.
I’ve missed writing and my love for it. I guess I’d have to make do with what’s next in line.
Earlier after shift, I ate nearly 2 cups of rice but donned a pack of bacon. Sugar and oil – great combo for hypertension. Binging could be helpful to me at this time. I did not pass the Team Lead exam. It sucks because I’ve taken the same test last year and I made it until the final interview, which I’ve blown off by the way. Recently, I’ve been composing speeches for my interviewers that should hit home base but it just dawned over me last night that I will not be facing the panel anyway. I’ve abruptly sent off my daily end of shift reports and hurried home; cried until I made up stories to laugh at. Whew! I stayed up all morning playing all stored games that my Dad has installed in this notebook. I was so engrossed with the game RAVENHEARST and clicking on “Hour glass”, “Fly”, “Bronzed face” and “Tower of Pisa” when I saw daylight peeping through my black curtains. Today, as I got off the bed, I have been prying pages from the net to get some motivational quotes, something to cheer me up and something to get this threatening migraine off my system. I’d have better chances SOON. I’d take this load off my mind and will get on my life’s next craze.
Things to do:
Later, I’d have to check the pad Mommy Mel has recommended me to stay in worth P3, 200 per month. I’ll check on it for I’ve been half settled with my decision for staying at Veramont Dormitory. Either way, I still need to plan on my “GWbilling” loan to cover for the 2 months deposit and a month advance.
Drop money off at Melissa’s BPI account. Need to get those Old Navy slippers here in Cebu. Are the malls banks open until 5PM?
Pig out with Lily at SM. I miss black forest cake and I'm up for it.
I’ve missed writing and my love for it. I guess I’d have to make do with what’s next in line.
Crazy night. Crazy news. Heavy heart. Heavy head. At least it's Saturday, I'll pounce ahead.
The thing that I wanted most right now is to have someone to talk to and shut me off the craze that my mind is getting me into. It kind of awed me when I was able to compose things by myself. I see tons of opportunities piling up in front of me, but I really don’t know if I have the heart for any of it right now. Looking back, I’d see me stuffing myself with worthless desires; it has blinded my imagination and it has blinded my being.
What do I really want?
I love the feel of after-baths; one that gives you the light chill; makes you feel clean and taut; in fact it sucks up the moisture from your skin.
I love playing the same music twice or thrice or until my eardrums give up and I’d get to pick up the first two stanzas of a song.
I love seeing myself with things that I love.
Books in which half of them is unread.
Stuffed toys in which one of them gets handled only once a week; probably because I’m cleaning their spots or just because.
Expensive perfumes, just so that I can have one.
These are mostly things that I’ve missed out not too long ago but having them are empty realizations.
I’d be baffled; I was a ball of ideas. I’ve missed that person too.
I miss having to talk with old people. They know too much. But I can beat them in using what technology offers nowadays. At least some of them I can. I say they know too much but they don’t. But what I admire from them is living the simplicity of life. Our elders berate every stupid action we take. They frown upon our senseless decisions and no matter how much we try to make our point with them, we think that they’d never understand us and I think they never will. Maybe they know too much but I think they don’t. Maybe they do but they only refuse to concede it. It could be because of guilt, denial or they avoid getting hurt.
I am an impulsive teenage adult. Too eager to grow up and do away with things.
Truth is; I want to live my life as perfect as it could be. Be it in the company of pain or ecstasy. I don’t care, just as long as when I look back, I’d have no regrets. I’ll duck from a few slings and will battle with my greatest fears.
I am always scared to hell but I don’t want to hamper myself for I want to know that in the end, I’d be happy. We live, we breathe, we laugh, we make friends, we cry, we suffer. Everything is because of life. For all we know, it’s just life.
What do I really want?
I love the feel of after-baths; one that gives you the light chill; makes you feel clean and taut; in fact it sucks up the moisture from your skin.
I love playing the same music twice or thrice or until my eardrums give up and I’d get to pick up the first two stanzas of a song.
I love seeing myself with things that I love.
Books in which half of them is unread.
Stuffed toys in which one of them gets handled only once a week; probably because I’m cleaning their spots or just because.
Expensive perfumes, just so that I can have one.
These are mostly things that I’ve missed out not too long ago but having them are empty realizations.
I’d be baffled; I was a ball of ideas. I’ve missed that person too.
I miss having to talk with old people. They know too much. But I can beat them in using what technology offers nowadays. At least some of them I can. I say they know too much but they don’t. But what I admire from them is living the simplicity of life. Our elders berate every stupid action we take. They frown upon our senseless decisions and no matter how much we try to make our point with them, we think that they’d never understand us and I think they never will. Maybe they know too much but I think they don’t. Maybe they do but they only refuse to concede it. It could be because of guilt, denial or they avoid getting hurt.
I am an impulsive teenage adult. Too eager to grow up and do away with things.
Truth is; I want to live my life as perfect as it could be. Be it in the company of pain or ecstasy. I don’t care, just as long as when I look back, I’d have no regrets. I’ll duck from a few slings and will battle with my greatest fears.
I am always scared to hell but I don’t want to hamper myself for I want to know that in the end, I’d be happy. We live, we breathe, we laugh, we make friends, we cry, we suffer. Everything is because of life. For all we know, it’s just life.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Coal Burning.
November 9th, 2009
Groping through the dark, she clawed her fingers on the wet ground. Its earthy smell drowned her senses with euphoria and her every muscle screamed for acceptance. It had rained for years and her hidden dwelling was well tucked from the zonked world outside. Blindness was her company and she preferred the dolorous blankets. Her security was within the walls; the crumbly old walls that has surpassed unknown numbers of strife which bespeaks palpable weakness. She’s hidden herself very well for coon’s ages in a silken cocoon, and remained hidden until today.
Like an infant, peeping from ignorant eyes to catch a glimpse of the world outside. Her seclusion gives her freedom and cabalistic sense of belongingness. She had been warmed for ages. Her period of animated existence had warned her about what’s beyond but paradox ruled. She heard herself breathe for the first time and she felt her heart; a pulpy mass beating madly under her chest.
She heard a faint rustle as if it heard her heartbeat. Walking steps measured but clumsy. A Cyclops eavesdropped, dragging its thin and limp sticks for arms behind; the body too wide for its flailing arms and ball-sized head. It moved across her space and stopped before her crippled feet. Its ugly eyes, big and knowing crept along the folds of its distended eyelids. Eyes which belonged to cutthroat, bloodshot, strained and popping-out purple and red veins was nailed on hers. But her eyes hold no deceit. She waited for it’s disparage. But it didn’t advance, instead, she heard from it a gurgled sound; with its green drool slipping. It was strained as something was lodged in its grimy throat, with a mighty force; it spewed off tiny white insects that sprayed into elusive escape. Some crawled towards her, bit her with every chance that they could get but she didn’t wince in pain. She felt the green muck, thick and mundane. She bathed with it and was sedated. The giant monster continued to slap her with its malodorous seepage. But she didn’t scream in fright but instead nor swayed in disgust, but just sat there on the ground with reverence. Muddy and mute. Her huge eyes, pooled with tears watched as if it’s coruscated. She reached for its jagged face who not long ago was her friend. It bolted in surprise and its unseemly façade crumbled in dejection. Her touch was an unsought poison, accursed but fated. The Cyclops knelt down as it was filled with fervid purpose. She continually duplicated its face with her fingertips; a monster being tamed by a fragile thing. It twisted in rage as it tried to evade the affair but it couldn’t hurt her though it knows it could easily crush her with its weight. Her intense desire to know the realities of the world have constantly evaded her –– by the walls that locked her in and by the false taboo that nurtured her fear. But the creature that knelt before her was different from what she’s been told. In this world, he is a monster— a cannibal, a clod. But he fought off the need for bloodshed. He’s earned his years imbuing violence and carnal satiation. Her mind raced as jagged pieces of flashbacks came back to her. Everything was a mystery wherein she provokes sanguinity. Her fingers dug deep into its rubbery skin, and felt it shedding under her touch. She held one long look at the ragged pill of a monster that had healed her untruthful seclusion.
She felt him quiver.
She felt him sever.
She felt him conquered by her candor. She was his missing abettor.
Little did his mark left her side and it exploded itself into ashes.
She sees beauty in the fallen ashes.
Its lightness rained above her head.
Drop.
Drop.
Drop.
Groping through the dark, she clawed her fingers on the wet ground. Its earthy smell drowned her senses with euphoria and her every muscle screamed for acceptance. It had rained for years and her hidden dwelling was well tucked from the zonked world outside. Blindness was her company and she preferred the dolorous blankets. Her security was within the walls; the crumbly old walls that has surpassed unknown numbers of strife which bespeaks palpable weakness. She’s hidden herself very well for coon’s ages in a silken cocoon, and remained hidden until today.
Like an infant, peeping from ignorant eyes to catch a glimpse of the world outside. Her seclusion gives her freedom and cabalistic sense of belongingness. She had been warmed for ages. Her period of animated existence had warned her about what’s beyond but paradox ruled. She heard herself breathe for the first time and she felt her heart; a pulpy mass beating madly under her chest.
She heard a faint rustle as if it heard her heartbeat. Walking steps measured but clumsy. A Cyclops eavesdropped, dragging its thin and limp sticks for arms behind; the body too wide for its flailing arms and ball-sized head. It moved across her space and stopped before her crippled feet. Its ugly eyes, big and knowing crept along the folds of its distended eyelids. Eyes which belonged to cutthroat, bloodshot, strained and popping-out purple and red veins was nailed on hers. But her eyes hold no deceit. She waited for it’s disparage. But it didn’t advance, instead, she heard from it a gurgled sound; with its green drool slipping. It was strained as something was lodged in its grimy throat, with a mighty force; it spewed off tiny white insects that sprayed into elusive escape. Some crawled towards her, bit her with every chance that they could get but she didn’t wince in pain. She felt the green muck, thick and mundane. She bathed with it and was sedated. The giant monster continued to slap her with its malodorous seepage. But she didn’t scream in fright but instead nor swayed in disgust, but just sat there on the ground with reverence. Muddy and mute. Her huge eyes, pooled with tears watched as if it’s coruscated. She reached for its jagged face who not long ago was her friend. It bolted in surprise and its unseemly façade crumbled in dejection. Her touch was an unsought poison, accursed but fated. The Cyclops knelt down as it was filled with fervid purpose. She continually duplicated its face with her fingertips; a monster being tamed by a fragile thing. It twisted in rage as it tried to evade the affair but it couldn’t hurt her though it knows it could easily crush her with its weight. Her intense desire to know the realities of the world have constantly evaded her –– by the walls that locked her in and by the false taboo that nurtured her fear. But the creature that knelt before her was different from what she’s been told. In this world, he is a monster— a cannibal, a clod. But he fought off the need for bloodshed. He’s earned his years imbuing violence and carnal satiation. Her mind raced as jagged pieces of flashbacks came back to her. Everything was a mystery wherein she provokes sanguinity. Her fingers dug deep into its rubbery skin, and felt it shedding under her touch. She held one long look at the ragged pill of a monster that had healed her untruthful seclusion.
She felt him quiver.
She felt him sever.
She felt him conquered by her candor. She was his missing abettor.
Little did his mark left her side and it exploded itself into ashes.
She sees beauty in the fallen ashes.
Its lightness rained above her head.
Drop.
Drop.
Drop.
ixia.
November 9th, 2009
Adrift.
Nothing but pale feet bound to cold hands.
Sick.
Moaning to an unknown pain that’s brought by the mind’s fragmentation.
Honed.
With wild anger, you’ve learned to detain yourself to your mangled chains.
Oh! What’s with the sweet tangles of breath?
Husky clods of breath; given freely as gifts.
As you sink into its beauty, your unknown offense explodes in painful shards.
Wet slips of desire are insatiable.
Womanly. Ethereal.
Mannish. Impossible.
Adrift.
Nothing but pale feet bound to cold hands.
Sick.
Moaning to an unknown pain that’s brought by the mind’s fragmentation.
Honed.
With wild anger, you’ve learned to detain yourself to your mangled chains.
Oh! What’s with the sweet tangles of breath?
Husky clods of breath; given freely as gifts.
As you sink into its beauty, your unknown offense explodes in painful shards.
Wet slips of desire are insatiable.
Womanly. Ethereal.
Mannish. Impossible.
EARLY MINUTES.
March 19th, 2009
Tears could freeze.
The insides could churn as the stomache lurches constantly.
I get the point NOW: “Men will always be men”.
Partly a silent truce.
You could exhale relief.
Out of good contentment, you’d be happy.
Tears could freeze.
The insides could churn as the stomache lurches constantly.
I get the point NOW: “Men will always be men”.
Partly a silent truce.
You could exhale relief.
Out of good contentment, you’d be happy.
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