November 9th, 2009
Groping through the dark, she clawed her fingers on the wet ground. Its earthy smell drowned her senses with euphoria and her every muscle screamed for acceptance. It had rained for years and her hidden dwelling was well tucked from the zonked world outside. Blindness was her company and she preferred the dolorous blankets. Her security was within the walls; the crumbly old walls that has surpassed unknown numbers of strife which bespeaks palpable weakness. She’s hidden herself very well for coon’s ages in a silken cocoon, and remained hidden until today.
Like an infant, peeping from ignorant eyes to catch a glimpse of the world outside. Her seclusion gives her freedom and cabalistic sense of belongingness. She had been warmed for ages. Her period of animated existence had warned her about what’s beyond but paradox ruled. She heard herself breathe for the first time and she felt her heart; a pulpy mass beating madly under her chest.
She heard a faint rustle as if it heard her heartbeat. Walking steps measured but clumsy. A Cyclops eavesdropped, dragging its thin and limp sticks for arms behind; the body too wide for its flailing arms and ball-sized head. It moved across her space and stopped before her crippled feet. Its ugly eyes, big and knowing crept along the folds of its distended eyelids. Eyes which belonged to cutthroat, bloodshot, strained and popping-out purple and red veins was nailed on hers. But her eyes hold no deceit. She waited for it’s disparage. But it didn’t advance, instead, she heard from it a gurgled sound; with its green drool slipping. It was strained as something was lodged in its grimy throat, with a mighty force; it spewed off tiny white insects that sprayed into elusive escape. Some crawled towards her, bit her with every chance that they could get but she didn’t wince in pain. She felt the green muck, thick and mundane. She bathed with it and was sedated. The giant monster continued to slap her with its malodorous seepage. But she didn’t scream in fright but instead nor swayed in disgust, but just sat there on the ground with reverence. Muddy and mute. Her huge eyes, pooled with tears watched as if it’s coruscated. She reached for its jagged face who not long ago was her friend. It bolted in surprise and its unseemly façade crumbled in dejection. Her touch was an unsought poison, accursed but fated. The Cyclops knelt down as it was filled with fervid purpose. She continually duplicated its face with her fingertips; a monster being tamed by a fragile thing. It twisted in rage as it tried to evade the affair but it couldn’t hurt her though it knows it could easily crush her with its weight. Her intense desire to know the realities of the world have constantly evaded her –– by the walls that locked her in and by the false taboo that nurtured her fear. But the creature that knelt before her was different from what she’s been told. In this world, he is a monster— a cannibal, a clod. But he fought off the need for bloodshed. He’s earned his years imbuing violence and carnal satiation. Her mind raced as jagged pieces of flashbacks came back to her. Everything was a mystery wherein she provokes sanguinity. Her fingers dug deep into its rubbery skin, and felt it shedding under her touch. She held one long look at the ragged pill of a monster that had healed her untruthful seclusion.
She felt him quiver.
She felt him sever.
She felt him conquered by her candor. She was his missing abettor.
Little did his mark left her side and it exploded itself into ashes.
She sees beauty in the fallen ashes.
Its lightness rained above her head.
Drop.
Drop.
Drop.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
ixia.
November 9th, 2009
Adrift.
Nothing but pale feet bound to cold hands.
Sick.
Moaning to an unknown pain that’s brought by the mind’s fragmentation.
Honed.
With wild anger, you’ve learned to detain yourself to your mangled chains.
Oh! What’s with the sweet tangles of breath?
Husky clods of breath; given freely as gifts.
As you sink into its beauty, your unknown offense explodes in painful shards.
Wet slips of desire are insatiable.
Womanly. Ethereal.
Mannish. Impossible.
Adrift.
Nothing but pale feet bound to cold hands.
Sick.
Moaning to an unknown pain that’s brought by the mind’s fragmentation.
Honed.
With wild anger, you’ve learned to detain yourself to your mangled chains.
Oh! What’s with the sweet tangles of breath?
Husky clods of breath; given freely as gifts.
As you sink into its beauty, your unknown offense explodes in painful shards.
Wet slips of desire are insatiable.
Womanly. Ethereal.
Mannish. Impossible.
EARLY MINUTES.
March 19th, 2009
Tears could freeze.
The insides could churn as the stomache lurches constantly.
I get the point NOW: “Men will always be men”.
Partly a silent truce.
You could exhale relief.
Out of good contentment, you’d be happy.
Tears could freeze.
The insides could churn as the stomache lurches constantly.
I get the point NOW: “Men will always be men”.
Partly a silent truce.
You could exhale relief.
Out of good contentment, you’d be happy.
Rules of Commuting in Cebu.
March 17th, 2009
1. P500 pesos is actually acceptable by the konduktor when you don’t have enough sinsilyo to pay for your fare especially if you’re riding a taxi cab.
2. If you’ll travel during daytime, expect that during the rush hours, traffic will meet your ride.
You’ll have to have at least a bottle of water at hand to drown out your throat’s thirst.
It pays off really especially if the city heat pisses you off.
3. You don’t have the right nga mulingkod sa tumoy if bag-o pa ka nisakay.
You have to painstakingly walk down the small aisle made up of knees and feet towards the driver’s backseat.
This happens truthfully whether you’d be riding a multicab or a jeepney. So, take your pick.
4. It isn’t unusual to find someone who places a hand on your leg for support when they go in or out.
Just bring out the best smile that you can even if some kid’s sticky fingers (with a cone with melting ice cream on the other hand) brushes on your newly washed white jeans. Relax, it’s just a kid. Don’t be grumpy.
5. Good thing to know that due to the vast population in Cebu, you’d hardly get to ride on the same PUV with an acquaintance or a friend. Learn the importance of time and patience while you travel home or to work.
Sitting between the aisle is totally normal. There are actually two kinds of “middle seats”:
> QUEENLIKE - In between the driver and the front passenger. Where you get to play like a queen and face the people to your right and left as your slaves.
> “IN”TENSION - drop the ever so known “extension” which is a wide plank of wood (usually measured as 4 x 13 x 2 inches) normally found in double-tired jeepneys for extra passengers to sit on the back. Well here, it’s perfectly normal to sit on the aisle on an small bench which is the alternative for the known EXTENSION.
Scenes described above are based on real life experiences.
Piece of advice: Try to rub your knuckles on your temples and drink lots of water.
1. P500 pesos is actually acceptable by the konduktor when you don’t have enough sinsilyo to pay for your fare especially if you’re riding a taxi cab.
2. If you’ll travel during daytime, expect that during the rush hours, traffic will meet your ride.
You’ll have to have at least a bottle of water at hand to drown out your throat’s thirst.
It pays off really especially if the city heat pisses you off.
3. You don’t have the right nga mulingkod sa tumoy if bag-o pa ka nisakay.
You have to painstakingly walk down the small aisle made up of knees and feet towards the driver’s backseat.
This happens truthfully whether you’d be riding a multicab or a jeepney. So, take your pick.
4. It isn’t unusual to find someone who places a hand on your leg for support when they go in or out.
Just bring out the best smile that you can even if some kid’s sticky fingers (with a cone with melting ice cream on the other hand) brushes on your newly washed white jeans. Relax, it’s just a kid. Don’t be grumpy.
5. Good thing to know that due to the vast population in Cebu, you’d hardly get to ride on the same PUV with an acquaintance or a friend. Learn the importance of time and patience while you travel home or to work.
Sitting between the aisle is totally normal. There are actually two kinds of “middle seats”:
> QUEENLIKE - In between the driver and the front passenger. Where you get to play like a queen and face the people to your right and left as your slaves.
> “IN”TENSION - drop the ever so known “extension” which is a wide plank of wood (usually measured as 4 x 13 x 2 inches) normally found in double-tired jeepneys for extra passengers to sit on the back. Well here, it’s perfectly normal to sit on the aisle on an small bench which is the alternative for the known EXTENSION.
Scenes described above are based on real life experiences.
Piece of advice: Try to rub your knuckles on your temples and drink lots of water.
MY HEART
February 6th, 2009
What you’d hear when you’re about to break up:
1. You are the ideal girlfriend.
2. I feel that I’m not progressing, and I’m afraid of what I would become years from now.
3. I feel jealous because you’ve learned to have fun without me.
4. I want you to stay, I’d look for my own place.
5. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
Lastly..
6. I’m taking it back.. taking back Sunday.
Edit: I’m taking back everything I’ve said… for another day.
Huh?
What you’d hear when you’re about to break up:
1. You are the ideal girlfriend.
2. I feel that I’m not progressing, and I’m afraid of what I would become years from now.
3. I feel jealous because you’ve learned to have fun without me.
4. I want you to stay, I’d look for my own place.
5. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
Lastly..
6. I’m taking it back.. taking back Sunday.
Edit: I’m taking back everything I’ve said… for another day.
Huh?
ANG KINABUHI SA TAONG GAPANGWARTA.
October 4th, 2008
Hahay..
Magbinisaya na sad ko kay sakit na akong bag-ang ug stinuryaha ug English kada gabii sa akong mga client.
Kapoy pasakay.
Naa ko sa akong station run, abay mi ni Hanz Artango. Taga-Link2 gihapon.
Okay ra kaau akong work, magtanga lang ka usahay.
Kung sa Link2 tung-una kay pampered ang mga babae, up to 10:30 ra ang pinaka-late nga i-offer nila due to SAFETY purposes.
Pero wala na nga issue dinhi Cebu, mang! Ma-babae, bayot or lalaki ka, ayaw na ug complain sa imong schedule kay mao na jud na.
Especially karon, nabutang ko sa team nga isa sa mga bottom performers sa floor. Pero paytz ra japon akong mga ka-team. Wala mi right mag-arte sa scheduling. Take ra mi ug calls ani taman.
Akong shift dinhi kay usab-usab:
July 9 - 22, 2008 (Shift: 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM, RD: Sat-Sun)
CCT Training = Communications skills training for 2 weeks
Virgin pa kaayu ug mga hitsura. Back to zero para sa ako-a. Isa ka sa mga trainee nga libakon sa mga tenured.
Naa dayun uban mu-suggest sa ilang mga abay: "Tawaga gani na siya bay! Ingna gani "CHADA".. sige na ba, taga-Cagayan man na sila .
(rolled-my-eyes | rolled-my-eyes | rolled-my-eyes)
July 23 - 31 , 2008 (Shift: 3:00 PM - 12:00 MN, RD: Sat-Sun)
PST - Product Support training
Try na ko ug midshift o. Kasulay mu nga mag-oil.oil imung nawong kada human sa shift?
Mga taga-Link2 ra gihapon akong mga kauban. Tingala ko kay ang uban mag2 years na pud daw sila sa Link2 pero wala pa ko kita nila.
Familiar lang ang hitsura sa uban.
August 1 - 8, 2008 (Shift:12:00 NN - 8:00 PM, RD: Sat - Sun)
Nosebleed.
Sugod nang shifting.
August 11 - 15, 2008 (Shift: 11:00 MN - 8:00 AM, RD: Sat-Sun)
Gakahadlok na ko ug gawas sa amu-a. Ang shift ni Jeff kay 9PM.
Kapoy sad magsunod-sunod niya aning orasa noh??
August 18 - 31, 2008 (Shift: 9:00 PM - 6:00 AM, RD: Sat-Sun)
Makaya-kaya ra nako.
Pang-gabii pa man akong shift.
September 4, 2008 (9:00 PM - 6:00 AM)
DEPLOYMENT.
Dinhi magkinamote ang mga tao.
Katung naanad nga ang opening spiel kay : "Thank you for calling Linksys…" ; kay common kaayu.
Katung mga magFULL support, common pud sama nako.
Naanad ra dayun ko after pila ka adlaw.
Power cycle modem, restart computer, online. END OF CALL
or
Setup Outlook Express (sa katung mahilig mag-Outlook Express sa Link2 kay dili ganahan sa webmail, sisiw ra kaayu ni)
Pero abot sad ang uban adlaw nga mag-troubleshoot ko sa mga dili angay i-troubleshoot tungod sa kala-ay sa trabaho.
Abi nako okay na ko. Hastang pa-ita ani nga ibutang kos kaadlawon. Huhu..
Ok pa sa ako katung 12 MN ko, makaya pa nako ug huna-huna nga gabii akong work.
Later on kay nabutang kos 1:00 AM (hikog na ni )
Daghan kaayu ko ug arte.
OO .
Nabag-uhan ra ko sa shift. Pangbayot man gud kaayu.
Laliman ba mu kada mata nako kay sakit kaayu akong likod. Bisan asa ang panuhot.
Sakit kaayu sa akong likod ang maligo ing-ani orasa. Pero wala koy choice, alangan mu-duty ko nga manimaho ug singot.
Ma-imagine nako sila Barry, sila Wyll Yancha ug katung mga 2AM shift.
Kapoya diay noh? Proud pa jud kaayu sila ug announce nga 1 year na sila.
Pasibya ra diay tu kay gikapoy na sila. HAHAHAHA!
Every two weeks ga-change ang shift ug rest day dinhi.
Lahi ra jud.
Kamolo ra ko ug type ani run in between calls.
2:00 AM akong shift, mahuman rako run alas onse.
Igang na kaayu, dili kaayu ka ma-excited ug tulog ug uli.
Dili pud ka kasabot kung dapat na ba ka matulog nga sayu pa man.
Gipang-block tanan websites dinhi sa amu-a karon lang: yahoomail, google, wikipedia, etc.
Pati amung knowledge base gi-block. Down man siguro amung server. CHAR!
Pero unsa may gamit sa proxy diba?? <-snicker->
Hahay..
Hahay..
Magbinisaya na sad ko kay sakit na akong bag-ang ug stinuryaha ug English kada gabii sa akong mga client.
Kapoy pasakay.
Naa ko sa akong station run, abay mi ni Hanz Artango. Taga-Link2 gihapon.
Okay ra kaau akong work, magtanga lang ka usahay.
Kung sa Link2 tung-una kay pampered ang mga babae, up to 10:30 ra ang pinaka-late nga i-offer nila due to SAFETY purposes.
Pero wala na nga issue dinhi Cebu, mang! Ma-babae, bayot or lalaki ka, ayaw na ug complain sa imong schedule kay mao na jud na.
Especially karon, nabutang ko sa team nga isa sa mga bottom performers sa floor. Pero paytz ra japon akong mga ka-team. Wala mi right mag-arte sa scheduling. Take ra mi ug calls ani taman.
Akong shift dinhi kay usab-usab:
July 9 - 22, 2008 (Shift: 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM, RD: Sat-Sun)
CCT Training = Communications skills training for 2 weeks
Virgin pa kaayu ug mga hitsura. Back to zero para sa ako-a. Isa ka sa mga trainee nga libakon sa mga tenured.
Naa dayun uban mu-suggest sa ilang mga abay: "Tawaga gani na siya bay! Ingna gani "CHADA".. sige na ba, taga-Cagayan man na sila .
(rolled-my-eyes | rolled-my-eyes | rolled-my-eyes)
July 23 - 31 , 2008 (Shift: 3:00 PM - 12:00 MN, RD: Sat-Sun)
PST - Product Support training
Try na ko ug midshift o. Kasulay mu nga mag-oil.oil imung nawong kada human sa shift?
Mga taga-Link2 ra gihapon akong mga kauban. Tingala ko kay ang uban mag2 years na pud daw sila sa Link2 pero wala pa ko kita nila.
Familiar lang ang hitsura sa uban.
August 1 - 8, 2008 (Shift:12:00 NN - 8:00 PM, RD: Sat - Sun)
Nosebleed.
Sugod nang shifting.
August 11 - 15, 2008 (Shift: 11:00 MN - 8:00 AM, RD: Sat-Sun)
Gakahadlok na ko ug gawas sa amu-a. Ang shift ni Jeff kay 9PM.
Kapoy sad magsunod-sunod niya aning orasa noh??
August 18 - 31, 2008 (Shift: 9:00 PM - 6:00 AM, RD: Sat-Sun)
Makaya-kaya ra nako.
Pang-gabii pa man akong shift.
September 4, 2008 (9:00 PM - 6:00 AM)
DEPLOYMENT.
Dinhi magkinamote ang mga tao.
Katung naanad nga ang opening spiel kay : "Thank you for calling Linksys…" ; kay common kaayu.
Katung mga magFULL support, common pud sama nako.
Naanad ra dayun ko after pila ka adlaw.
Power cycle modem, restart computer, online. END OF CALL
or
Setup Outlook Express (sa katung mahilig mag-Outlook Express sa Link2 kay dili ganahan sa webmail, sisiw ra kaayu ni)
Pero abot sad ang uban adlaw nga mag-troubleshoot ko sa mga dili angay i-troubleshoot tungod sa kala-ay sa trabaho.
Abi nako okay na ko. Hastang pa-ita ani nga ibutang kos kaadlawon. Huhu..
Ok pa sa ako katung 12 MN ko, makaya pa nako ug huna-huna nga gabii akong work.
Later on kay nabutang kos 1:00 AM (hikog na ni )
Daghan kaayu ko ug arte.
OO .
Nabag-uhan ra ko sa shift. Pangbayot man gud kaayu.
Laliman ba mu kada mata nako kay sakit kaayu akong likod. Bisan asa ang panuhot.
Sakit kaayu sa akong likod ang maligo ing-ani orasa. Pero wala koy choice, alangan mu-duty ko nga manimaho ug singot.
Ma-imagine nako sila Barry, sila Wyll Yancha ug katung mga 2AM shift.
Kapoya diay noh? Proud pa jud kaayu sila ug announce nga 1 year na sila.
Pasibya ra diay tu kay gikapoy na sila. HAHAHAHA!
Every two weeks ga-change ang shift ug rest day dinhi.
Lahi ra jud.
Kamolo ra ko ug type ani run in between calls.
2:00 AM akong shift, mahuman rako run alas onse.
Igang na kaayu, dili kaayu ka ma-excited ug tulog ug uli.
Dili pud ka kasabot kung dapat na ba ka matulog nga sayu pa man.
Gipang-block tanan websites dinhi sa amu-a karon lang: yahoomail, google, wikipedia, etc.
Pati amung knowledge base gi-block. Down man siguro amung server. CHAR!
Pero unsa may gamit sa proxy diba?? <-snicker->
Hahay..
Oddities of Cebu.
September 21st, 2008
Siomai and Poso.
Ngohiong and Poso.
It’s rather an odd combo.
But it’s only in Cebu.
Apparently, when I’ve stepped out of my Sulpicio ride, I was far too unconvinced that I would enjoy it here.
Smog and cold June heat blasted my face as the 6:00 am version of Cebu greeted me.
For a start, if you were a complete ignorant like me, you would find the whole city SOOOOoo BIG! But it isn’t.
Jeff met me outside the pier, grabbed one of my near-bursting-cause-it’s full-of-clothes trolleys and we walked past SM.
He hailed a taxi cab and then we got in.
It was then I realized that I’d left the splendor of CDO.
My heart was beating fast and I was finally free.
An absurd thinking. But now, the consequences would be given from how I’ve wanted things to turn out to be.
As I dug my preheated fork on my newly cooked fried fish (at Gretchen’s), I was wondering if I’d turn out to be okay here.
I’m still at it.. at the point of figuring things out by myself.
I’ve relished the numbered days that I only have to spend at least P6.00 for my jeepney fare.
But it was another devastating change: oil price increases and transport strikes..BOOM!
The fares now duplicated on what I’d had from CDO! Ugh!
Minused EXEMPLARY FARE as a Cebu privilege.
Plus the “Lugar nya!” fever never got off me. This is what yo say when you want to get off the jeepney.
People would give me the look everytime I utter out “chada!”
To make things easier for them, I chanted: “chada! chada! chada!”. They were smirking at me though I got their attention.
If you want to know Cebu, think of dropping some letters off your native vocabulary.
I’d literally cried back home when I was supposed to pick up the laundry but I can’t do it because everything’s going in every direction.
I could only remember two routes to get to the laundry place but there is no way I could explore the city by night.. and unattended.
I’ve explored. Yeah, I did. it took me a month’s time to be actually comfortable to point at places to the cab driver.Ü
The night lurks, same bunch of kids party out.
Lots of night “suloms” at Paseo, the “rock-band oriented” at Outpost, the “tugsh” at Mango Square.
It is up to where your trodding feet comfortably melts.
A lot of things can happen. The city is a place of opportunities.
A smaller version of Manila, as told by Manila TLs, who, in fact, loved the Southern Queen.
It could be crazy. Just as typhoon Frank visited our area, I was to literally float nearly mid-air in I.T. park.
The gust of wind was too strong for my thin body. Otik and Suzette were laughing to see me.. arms outstretched to grab hold any of them for support.
I never liked the BIR (Lahug) woman at aisle 7. She was an absolute BITCH.
I never liked the mornings especially by 6am. Believe me, you’d think it was lunch time.
I never liked the “carenderia” versions of humba, la-uya and balbacua (everything’s loaded with ANISE SEEDS). Nothing beats ZC Monte Carlo.
But there are things that I’m starting to fancy.
1. Lucky Yu’s Melon shake
2. CnT Lechon
3. Colon’s Lantiaw (which means “penis” in the Chinese language) - but it’s actually Cebu’s version of RM
4. Andok’s pork sinigang
5. i1’s 24 - jamaican patties (cheeze burst)
6. Mactan bridge’s view
7. Tipolo church’s cafeteria
Clearly stated by a junk gobbler.
No matter how difficult it is for me to try to adjust to what the people here are accustomed to, it’s okay.
I am not saying people here are complete aliens. I am alienated due to my own rejection for accepting the new place that I am in.
I think I miss CDO. I’d manage.
Siomai and Poso.
Ngohiong and Poso.
It’s rather an odd combo.
But it’s only in Cebu.
Apparently, when I’ve stepped out of my Sulpicio ride, I was far too unconvinced that I would enjoy it here.
Smog and cold June heat blasted my face as the 6:00 am version of Cebu greeted me.
For a start, if you were a complete ignorant like me, you would find the whole city SOOOOoo BIG! But it isn’t.
Jeff met me outside the pier, grabbed one of my near-bursting-cause-it’s full-of-clothes trolleys and we walked past SM.
He hailed a taxi cab and then we got in.
It was then I realized that I’d left the splendor of CDO.
My heart was beating fast and I was finally free.
An absurd thinking. But now, the consequences would be given from how I’ve wanted things to turn out to be.
As I dug my preheated fork on my newly cooked fried fish (at Gretchen’s), I was wondering if I’d turn out to be okay here.
I’m still at it.. at the point of figuring things out by myself.
I’ve relished the numbered days that I only have to spend at least P6.00 for my jeepney fare.
But it was another devastating change: oil price increases and transport strikes..BOOM!
The fares now duplicated on what I’d had from CDO! Ugh!
Minused EXEMPLARY FARE as a Cebu privilege.
Plus the “Lugar nya!” fever never got off me. This is what yo say when you want to get off the jeepney.
People would give me the look everytime I utter out “chada!”
To make things easier for them, I chanted: “chada! chada! chada!”. They were smirking at me though I got their attention.
If you want to know Cebu, think of dropping some letters off your native vocabulary.
I’d literally cried back home when I was supposed to pick up the laundry but I can’t do it because everything’s going in every direction.
I could only remember two routes to get to the laundry place but there is no way I could explore the city by night.. and unattended.
I’ve explored. Yeah, I did. it took me a month’s time to be actually comfortable to point at places to the cab driver.Ü
The night lurks, same bunch of kids party out.
Lots of night “suloms” at Paseo, the “rock-band oriented” at Outpost, the “tugsh” at Mango Square.
It is up to where your trodding feet comfortably melts.
A lot of things can happen. The city is a place of opportunities.
A smaller version of Manila, as told by Manila TLs, who, in fact, loved the Southern Queen.
It could be crazy. Just as typhoon Frank visited our area, I was to literally float nearly mid-air in I.T. park.
The gust of wind was too strong for my thin body. Otik and Suzette were laughing to see me.. arms outstretched to grab hold any of them for support.
I never liked the BIR (Lahug) woman at aisle 7. She was an absolute BITCH.
I never liked the mornings especially by 6am. Believe me, you’d think it was lunch time.
I never liked the “carenderia” versions of humba, la-uya and balbacua (everything’s loaded with ANISE SEEDS). Nothing beats ZC Monte Carlo.
But there are things that I’m starting to fancy.
1. Lucky Yu’s Melon shake
2. CnT Lechon
3. Colon’s Lantiaw (which means “penis” in the Chinese language) - but it’s actually Cebu’s version of RM
4. Andok’s pork sinigang
5. i1’s 24 - jamaican patties (cheeze burst)
6. Mactan bridge’s view
7. Tipolo church’s cafeteria
Clearly stated by a junk gobbler.
No matter how difficult it is for me to try to adjust to what the people here are accustomed to, it’s okay.
I am not saying people here are complete aliens. I am alienated due to my own rejection for accepting the new place that I am in.
I think I miss CDO. I’d manage.
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